Wed, 10/30/2013 - 12:07 by Natasha Neale
The Encyclopedia Hearsay was founded on four principles: misinformation, rumours, half-remembered conversations and outright lies. Anyone can contribute so long as articles are written with no research whatsoever. If you are citing The Land Before Time as a source or abusing footnotes like David Foster Wallace, you are on the right track.
The Eagles are a classic rock (1) five piece from California (2), whose legacy will never be forgotten, thanks in part to their continued slurping from baby boomer music industry big wigs (3). Their most successful and objectively best song is “Dirty Laundry”, which crawls along at a pace so simultaneously dark and funky it’s a wonder that The Weeknd hasn’t stolen it yet (4). “Witchy Woman” is well liked, but not as dazing as “Desperado” (5). “Hotel California” tops the list for drunken uncles (6) at Thanksgivings, who usually put on the band’s Live at Budokan DVD around 9pm and air guitar in front of the television without one grain of irony. Once the Eagles decided to dissolve, around 1983, three of the members adapted solo careers that fed directly into the styles of the time. Glen Frey had a hit with his song he wrote for a Pontiac commercial titled “The Heat Is On”, while Don Henley achieved success by writing “The Boys of Summer”, which will be remembered because of the child drummer in the video with a Corey Hart hairdo (8). Joe Walsh’s equivalent chart-topper of the era was a reggae-tinged joke hit (9) that was about getting drunk at parties and was basically a rip off of “Margaritaville” by Warren Buffet.
Later, the band had life blown into them for a second time when they fell backwards into a Generation X following because of the prominent running gag in The Big Lebowski where the main character, The Dude, spends most of his time searching for his CCR (10) tapes and being solicited thousand dollar blow jays from Tara Reid in a bikini. The Dude’s catchphrase “I hate the fucking Eagles, man!” convinced a generation of ironists into buying a considerable amount of re-issues of Eagles albums. That, coupled with their Greatest Hits CD (11) being the best selling album via mail-order company Columbia House (12), convinced the band to reunite and they began to write new material.
Today, the Eagles rest comfortably due to their shared acquisition of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s publishing and licensing rights, and the massive advance they received from Netflix for the documentary (13) made about their respective life stories. You can usually find them enjoying the benefit of Philadelphia Eagles’ owner Jeffrey Laurie’s standing offer for free tickets to all home games, which angers up slot receiver Riley Cooper because he has them confused with The Commodores.
1. What was classic rock called before it was old and classic? Muscle rock?
2. “Hotel California” -1976
3. See: Bob Lefsetz
4. As is his and his team’s standard practice.
5. Seinfeld episode “The Checks”.
6. Specifically my uncle Jim.
7. As heard through my dad’s Impala’s speakers via Ottawa FM station CHEZ 106
8. At that age, I also requested “The Corey Hart” at the barber’s.
9. Not unlike congruent artists Dr. Demento or Taco.
10. Revival, not Revisited.
11. The first CD actually ever produced.
12. Which sold for 1/8 of a penny.
13. The third most popular documentary on Netflix next to the one about Killer Whales being hyper intelligent and Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s Spaced.
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